I am unhappy lately. But it’s okay.

I decided to put off my “quarter life crisis” until I’m 26 because my year of being 25 was actually pretty packed and semi-interesting. It’s now that things have dwindled down that I find myself ruminating how largely unhappy I am.

But this is not me sulking. This is me accepting that occasional unhappiness is okay.

***

I think about my general “unhappiness” about life during my days’ monotonous moments–my lengthy walks to Shang, my MRT rides, or when I find myself choosing to work in a cafe on a breezy weekend, like today.

These small pockets of humdrum emptiness make me realize that I’m just too dead inside. And that I really just want to go home and cry.

I’ve been like this since the May elections ended. I got into a slump that I thought would be resolved by taking time off, but I only got pushed further down a rabbit hole of unhappiness. I haven’t been able to fully come back since.

I just feel generally unsatisfied with a lot of things. It also doesn’t help that my insecurity at work just grows everyday. Devoid of industry mentorship, I don’t know shit anymore. I am out of skills. Out of talent.

And most days I find myself wondering if I need to humble my ass down and just go back to a more junior work role where pay is smaller but I can grow as expected.

I stopped lying to myself ages ago–I know that I am always too young for the positions I am catapulted into. And I always knew that I will have my burnt out golden child moment–the time will come when what I know will no longer be enough.

And here it is.

***

But lately, I am trying to make strides to get my life together. And like a true desperate millennial–I thought of grad school.

It’s my bleak attempt at addressing my inadequacies. And I have high hopes for it. But let’s see.